I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
