guys are only as good as the porn they watch
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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