i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
