Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
