ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
