i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
