I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
