and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
