I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
