I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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