Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
