Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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