Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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