So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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