Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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