My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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