i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
