He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
