Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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