God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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