That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
