hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
God, I missed his penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
