he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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