i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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