I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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