you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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