My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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