Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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