With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
