A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My vagina is very pro this idea
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