I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
