Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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