can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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