Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
