got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
