i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
