Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
