So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
