You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
