I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
