Someone shit on the floor
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
