So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
