the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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