Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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