When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
