Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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