I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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