when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
