She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
