I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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