Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
